My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #20Terminator 2: Judgment Day [1991]
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong
Directed by: James Cameron

James Cameron has a bit of a reputation of outdoing original films by giving them much stronger sequels. The first time he did this was with Aliens [sequel to Ridley Scott's Alien], which wasn't an easy thing to do since Ridley's first Alien was such a classic. James however managed to take the sequel to a new and much bigger place, and that's exactly what he did with T2 as well.

T2 picks up a few years after the original Terminator film left off, with Sarah Connor [survivor from film 1] being locked in a mental ward due to her crazy rants about being stalked by a cyborg from the future. Her teenage son, John Connor, is living with foster parents. Arnold reprises his classic role as The Terminator in T2, however this time, he isn't playing the bad guy, he's the good guy. He's been sent back again in time to protect John from a different Cyborg, who's job is to finish the job 'bad guy Terminator Arnie' failed to do in movie 1.
In film 1, Sarah Connor was the target because her future son was going to lead a resistance against the future Cyborgs who will declare war against mankind. Since she escaped first time around, she was then free to have her son, which now means John is the new target for assassination. Once all of this is revealed to John after he escapes near death at the hands of the new terminator [who's metallic form can melt into shape changing liquid metal], he sets out on a mission with the Arnie-bot to free his Mother from the mental institution she's being held captive in so they can fight against the newly upgraded assassin cyborg that is out to kill John.
To say T2 is an upgrade from the first film is putting it lightly, the scope is 10 times bigger, the story is more developed and the biggest change of all comes in the form of a newly buff and tough, Sarah Connor, who is transformed from a puffy haired screaming woman in the 80's to a muscle punching, shotgun shooting warrior of the 90's. The change Linda went through to become the new Sarah is incredible, and not only does she look the part, but her acting in the role is incredible. Many critics and movie fans over the years have labeled Linda's performance in T2 as one/if not the best female action role in movie history, only ever being close to Ripley in the Alien franchise. In fact, James knows how to create really powerful female leads in his stories [Aliens, Avatar].

At the time, T2 was also showcasing brand new special effects, mostly due to the liquid metal effects of the evil cyborg. They still hold up today, and there are some really iconic moments in T2 that showcase how far they pushed the visual effects back then.
With so much action and sparkling effects on show, James still manages to put together a very moving and powerful story. Whether it's Sarah Connor dealing with having to work alongside the cyborg who tried to kill her years earlier, or the Father-like relationship John Connor develops with the Arnie-bot, there are some great character moments within the story that are very moving.
The impending apocalypse within the story gives the movie a strong atmosphere as well, one scene in particular is quite eerie and used to really creep me out as a kid. It revolves around a dream Sarah Connor has, where she watches children play in an outdoor playground just as an atomic explosion hits the area and her silent muted screams of danger are met with a volcanic explosion of fire and destruction as the city is destroyed and Sarah's body is burnt away to the bone. It's a strong image, and you can't help but wonder "what if?" when thinking about this sort of thing happening in our world today.

Terminator 1 is a favourite of many, but to be honest, it's never been a film that has blown me away. For me, T2 is where the series really does something special. There's a great nostalgia attached to T2 because i've been watching it since i was a kid, i even remember being 7 years old and seeing it at the cinemas. It's one of my earliest memories of going to the movies for the first few times in my life. The classic film score is also one of my favourites.

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The Greatest Films of ALL TIME! #19

Hellraiser [1987]
Hellbound: Hellraiser II [1988]
Starring: Clare Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Sean Chapman
Directed by: Clive Barker

"What's your pleasure?"

I'm going to do a write up on both Hellraiser 1 and 2, because essentially what we are given is one big movie cut into two chapters. Yes, one could be better than the other when it comes to certain aspects, but essentially, i like them both equally, and feel both movies should be watched one after the other as double feature.

Hellraiser 1 & 2 follows the story of Frank, a man who purchases a strange puzzle box from a street dealer in North Africa. He takes the box back to his home in the U.S. and eventually solves the puzzle. Unfortunately for him, the solving comes at a price, and Frank is immediatly ripped to shreds by chains and falls victim to a group of demonic Gods called, Cenobites, who take his body and soul to another realm, leaving Franks house abandoned.

Soon after these events, Franks brother, his wife, Julia, and their daughter, Kristy, move into

Franks home assuming Frank is still away on his North African trip. Eventually, Franks presence in the hell realm is awoken as he breaks free from his demonic prison, and uses his brothers wife, Julia, to feed him human victims so he can rebuild his body within the physical world once again.

Eventually, Julia, the young daughter, discovers what is happening in their home, and before Frank can use her body to build his strength back, she escapes with the puzzle box in hand. As Julia learns the secrets of the puzzle box, she becomes aquainted with the demonic Cenobites, who offer her a trade: they'll spare her life, if she can give them Franks back. As Julia sets out to put a stop to her flesh hungry Uncle's rampage, she'll soon learn that her mission won't be short lived, or as finished as it may seem once she reaches the end of her journey.

That's as far as i'll go in explaining the basic storyline of Hellraiser. That pretty much covers the first films synopsis, if i go any further, i'll be giving too much away.

Both Hellraiser films are heavily connected with the same characters from movie 1 being crossed over to movie 2. The storyline is also an exact continuation from part 1. There are a few different qualities each film has that help seperate themelves from each other though.

Hellraiser 1 is a much more contained film. Most of the events that occur in the film take place within the confindes of a house, we see little of the outside world, and the horror of what happens to the characters feels almost claustraphobic. In Hellraiser 2, the story breaks free from those sorts of contraints, and really broadens it's horizons. We aren't being held prisoner in a dark house anymore. Not only is the human world expanded on, but so is the Hellraiser universe. We get to see a lot more of what the magic puzzle box is capable of.

Another big change in tone between both films is the different presence of a male and female villain. In movie 1, we see the Hellraiser experience from a male perspective, in part 2, we see it from a females. This doesn't put a major change in how the story is told, essentially both villains aim for the same outcome, but it's interesting seeing how both genders react to powers of the puzzle box.

Although some of the flashier computer visuals in Hellraiser 2 have dated a little, it still holds up enough without ruining the asthetics of the film. Where Hellraiser really shine visually however is in movie 1, mostly around the scene where the main villain comes back to life via a puddle of blood and guts. For a film pushing 30 years old, it's still impressive to see how they went about pulling off his ressurrection so effectivly, especially since it's all done CGI free.

What i love about Hellraiser 1 and 2 is that it doesn't soley depend on horror imagery or gore to sell itself. It actually has an interesting and dark story with a rich histroy behind it. We are also given unique and likeable demon characters with Pinhead and the rest of the Cenobites as well. You'll find yourself rooting for the wrong team every so often just because the Cenobites are so cool.

I'm also a big fan of horror fantasy, and Hellraiser 2 really brings that side of the story out with giving the viewer a first hand look at the weird and trippy world within the puzzle box. The flow between both films from the darker smaller introduction of Hellraiser 1 to the more explosive and exciting colourful finale of Hellraiser 2 is a lot of fun to watch.

There have been a lot of sequels within the Hellraiser franchise, some are better than others, but none really have the quality of the first 2 films. Also, you don't need to see the rest of the series to enjoy the first 2 movies, they work perfectly enough as a pair with a contained 2 part story.

Hellraiser 1 and 2 are great for horrors fans because it offers enough gore to satisfy what horror fans are after, while still being original and interesting enough for none horror fans who want a bit more meat with their storylines.

My Favourite Films Of ALL TIME! #18

Closer [2004]
Starring: Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Clive Owen
Directed by: Mike Nichols

"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off"

Holding hands, kissing by the beach, finding your one true love...............the perfect mix that goes into a romantic movie. We see it a lot, not that it's a bad thing, i'm a sucker for them just as much as the next person, but what happens when you take away all the fantasy bullshit, and actually LOOK at real life relationships?. Are they as picture perfect as our imaginations like to make them?.
If you're looking for a movie to show you the humorous ups and downs of love, you're not looking in the right place with Closer. In fact, Closer may force you to run for the hills
screaming in terror the next time a possible relationship heads your way!.

Closer is about 2 couples, Dan [Jude Law] and Alice [Natalie Portman], and Anna [Julia Roberts and Larry [Clive Owen]. Dan is a writer, and Alice [who is much younger]
is a waitress [and ex stripper]. Anna is a photographer, and Larry is a doctor.

It's complicated how these 2 couples cross paths, but basically........Dan meets Alice after she gets hit by a car, after starting a relationship with her, Dan then meets Anna who is hired to take his publicity photo, he falls in lust with her, and then Anna bumps into Larry when an online sex chat between Dan [who pretends to be a woman] and Larry accidently places him in Anna's path, Larry and Anna start a relationship. Eventually, Anna and Dan begin an affair, and the interaction between both couples gets more intense and personal as each relationship begins to crumble. By the midway point of the story, everything escelates into a mess, as each person struggles to deal with lies and betrayel.
What grabbed me most when i first watched Closer was how honestly the film was written. There's no sugar coating, no unrealistic concepts about what love is or how relationships work. People can fall out of love, and couples can be very cruel to each other.
For a serious drama, Closer is surprisingly easy to watch repeatedly, mostly due to how quickly the story moves along. We get no obvious time frame of the events that take place in the story, it all unfolds so fluidly with no need for obvious time frames.

The acting in Closer is what stands out the most after the AMAZING writing. In fact, you've never seen such FILTH come out of Julia's mouth before!. Jude is good in his role, but his character is so unlikeable, you'll spend most of the film wanting to punch him in the fucking mouth. The stand outs for me however were Natalie and Clive. Both of them share a scene in the the movie set in a strip club that features one of the most badass exchanges of dialog put on screen EVER!. The amount of sexual chemistry between them both will make your TV melt.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #17The Rules of Attraction [2002]
Starring: James Van Der Beek, Jessica Biel, Ian Somerhalder, Shannyn Sossamon
Directed by: Roger Avary

"Since when does fucking somebody else mean that I'm not faithful to you?"

This comes from the same people who gave us American Psycho and Pulp Fiction, so you have a fair idea of what style of movie i'm talking about when i try and describe this to you. I remember reading the book a few years back before the movie came out. I found myself laughing out loud on the train while reading it, so once the movie hit screens, i was glad to see it lived up to the enjoyment i got out of the book. They needed to make this fucked up, it needed to be done a specific way. Luckily the right team got behind it.....

Rules follows the lives of a group of college students, and the "interaction" they have with one another during their mundane day to day lives. It deals with relationships, sex and drugs. Most, if not all the characters are dealing with all 3 of those things at one point or another. There's a whole collection of quirky characters. There's the main guy, Sean [James Van Der Beek], who spends his solitary days selling drugs and trying to find as much pussy as he can. He develops a crush on Lauren [Shannyn Sossamon], who has her eyes set on her teacher, and can't stop thinking about her ex boyfriend Victor [Kip Pardue]. Then we meet Paul [Ian Somerhalder], a gay student who has a crush on Sean, but doesn't know how to go about once they become friends. Then there's Lara [Jessica Biel], who is Lauren's roommate. She spends her days being the resident slut, and becomes the object of Sean's lust when he can't get his hands on Lauren. Sean actually hates Lara, but feels she'll do in the meantime while he tries to get Lauren to fall for him.
In the midst of all that we have a whole bunch of other misfit weirdo characters who try not to get murdered by drug dealers, try not to overdoes, try to deal with obsession, and a whole mix of other angsty issues. Basically, it's a mess!.Two things stand out the most when you watch Rules. The first is the direction by Roger Avary, the guys got some style and nifty camera techniques. The movie is scattered with lots of cool editing and camera shots. You see it right away once the movie starts during the 'End of the World' party. Out comes the vomit [you'll need to see the movie to know what i'm talking about], and back in it goes as the entire party scene is on backwards replay. There's also a great split screen meeting between Sean and Lauren, which is broken down in detail in the special features of the DVD. There's also some GREAT camera work during a suicide scene, and a fast paced Europe trip montage made up of hundreds of photographs and a quick voice over. I imagine this movie would be a film students wet dream. You could sit and talk about the camera styling all day.

The second thing that will stand out to you is James Van Der Beek in the title role. When i think of James, i think of that shit Dawson's Creek show, his giant forehead and that stupid wavy hair. You'll soon forget all about that once you watch him in this. Talk about a polar opposite of what you're used to seeing him play!.........he eats up this role like crazy. You can tell he loved every minute of it. He's really good in the role. It's such a departure for him. Have you ever wondered what Dawson would look like fucking? well you'll see that. Have you ever wondered what Dawson would look like taking a dump? well you see that too! haha!
He's not the only one trying to break away in this film either. Jessica Biel sheds away her WHOLESOME 7th Heaven tv show fuckery by slutting around in her underwear and getting gang banged by footballers. There's also a cameo from The Wonder Years kid, Fred Savage, who's credited as The Junkie Named Mark, ha!. He's certainly changed since his childhood star years in this.

It's s dark comedy, so it's funny, but with a fucked up twist. You'll be laughing at the character shenanigans and then be really focused on the more serious aspects of the story. The movie goes between the two easily. See it, if only for how fucked up everyone is, ha!.

My Favourite Films of All Time! #16The Fifth Element [1997]

Starring: Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, Milla Jovovich

Directed by: Luc Besson

"Me fifth element - supreme being. Me protect you"

The Fifth Element takes place 250 years in the future. Cars can fly, New York is now a hovering city, and planet Earth is having intergalactic relations with other species. An ancient evil "force" known as the DARK PLANET is on it's way to our Universe to destroy us all. The only way to stop this "evil" from wiping out everything, is to call on the powers of the Fifth Element, a supreme being sent to Earth to destroy all evil.

The supreme being is resurrected inside a science facility, and takes the form of Leeloo [Milla Jovovich], an orange haired, half naked woman, who can only speak in the Divine language [funny], and has a habit of removing her clothes at any given time. She escapes the facility, and lands directly in the hands of angry cab driver, Korben Dallas[Bruce Willis]. By directly, i mean, she jumps off a building and slams through his cab roof. Bitch is crazy, seriously.

Leeloo is one hot thang, so obviously Korben is willing to help her out on her mission. They both go in search of Vito Corniellious, a High Priest who will help Leeloo find the 4 stones of the elements [fire, water, wind, earth] to stop the evil force from destroying life as we know it.

The evil force isn't alone in it's mission however. It enlists the help of Zorg [Gary Oldman], who gathers an army of warriors to find the 4 stones before Leeloo and her crew get their hands on them.

Along the way, Leeloo adjusts to her new "human body", and tries to understand why evil and war exist in the first place. She was created to do nothing but destroy evil, she's a weapon, but as she starts to fall in love with Korben, she's faced with wanting to find a reason to save a race of people, who can barely stop killing each other. Leeloo must find her own love to have the will power to save the world from destruction, can she do it? [cue violins].

The first thing you'll notice about TFE is the look of the film. Gone are the grimey rusted backdrops of the future that were so used to seeing in films, instead, we get a very colourful and cartoon looking planet Earth. Luc Besson decided to take a much quirkier approach to TFE universe, and it really works in his favour. Luc also hired fashion designer Jean Paul Gautier to create all of the costumes in the movie. Combining the two gave the movie a very original look, it stands out a lot when you watch it.

One scene in particular is one of my all time favourite moments from a movie, ever!. It's Leeloo's creation scene. I love seeing her come to life, and the escape from the science lab. That bandage outfit she wore is infamous!. Stick on an orange wig on and cover your titties with white material and you'll be instantly recognizable!.

Another memorable scene, and one the movie is most famous for, features a super tall blue alien woman who sings Opera, right before a huge gun brawl takes place inside of a concert hall. Cool stuff.

What TFE offers aside from a pretty looking movie, is a very memorable cast. Bruce Willis does what he does best in this, act cocky and blow shit up, Chris Tucker is HILARIOUS as Ruby is hilarious [some people thought he was annoying, which i assume was the idea, i loved him] and Gary Oldman plays a weird mix of funny, yet evil, with a Texas accent and half a head of hair. The stand out from the movie however is Milla, as Leeloo. Not only is she beautiful in the movie, but she's funny, and she also brings a good mix of strength and vulnerability to a character, which is hard considering she doesn't speak a lot of English. You grow to love Leeloo and you don't want anything bad to happen to her, the chemistry between her and Bruce's character is good too, so it's believable. She's also very quotable. Say "chicken good" to a TFM fan, and they'll know exactly what you're talking about, ha!.

TFE is one of those movies i've seen 500 times, and i never tire of it. It's the type of film, that pops up on TV and i gotta sit and watch it, even if it's only for 5 minutes. I tear up and get so excited if i stumble upon it randomly, or strike up a conversation about it to someone. I even went as far as buying the video game back in the day, which for the most part was a bit shit, but i was so desperate for more, i played it over and over regardless.

My Favourite Films Of All Time! #15Return To Oz [1985]
Directed by: Walter Murch
Starring: Fairuza Balk, Jean Marsh

"Your Majesty! SHE has returned to Oz!"

Fuck The Wizard of Oz!..............there, i said it, words that people gasp and raise their arms in horror over.............fuck The Wizard of Oz!. "How could you?", some of you may be saying?, i'll tell you how i could!. Wizard of Oz is a bore fest, a very nicely acted, very nicely filmed bore fest, but a bore fest nonetheless. As a kid, i tried to watch it, i could never get through it all. As an adult, same problem. The movie just DOESN'T click with me at all. I've tried and tried, and it just ain't gonna happen. What did click with me though was the 1985 sequel, Return To Oz, i'll tell you why.......

In Return To Oz, Dorothy [Fairuza Balk] comes back from Oz and can't stop talking about the other world she visited. Her family think she's nuts, so they admit her to a mental ward, hoping that electro shock therapy will cure her of her "crazy ways". Dorothy's stay at the hospital is short lived, when she is suddenly pulled back into Oz, as she tries to escape from her new zap happy home. As Dorothy ventures into Oz once again, she soon realized, Oz ain't what it used to be. In fact, Oz is completely fucked up. No more singing midgets, no more sweet skipping around townsfolk, and no more shiny yellow brick road. Oz is scary, Oz has new evil inhabitants, and soon Dorothy finds out that she's gonna need some balls to live past a day in this "new" place. Bitch doesn't need a little dog, bitch needs a gun!.
As well as trying to stay alive, Dorothy makes some new friends in Oz. A pumpkin head man, a moose mounted on a wooden trunk [don't ask, it's confusing i know], a new fatter tin man, and a talking chicken. As you can see, Oz has become a bit freaky.

Ok, forget everything you knew about the old Oz movie. That was a film that gave children rainbow dreams and gumdrop smiles. 'Return' however gave most kids NIGHTMARES. I was one of those kids!. Seeing Dorothy get chased down by hunchback men with elongated legs and arms, wheels where their hands and feet should be, and hideously creepy voices, caused all sorts of ghastly imagery in my mind. These scary fucks were called 'Wheelers'. Ask ANYONE who's seen this movie about what stood out the most, and they'll most definitely say "the fucking wheelers!". The creep factor doesn't stop there. There's also an evil Queen who lives in Oz named Mombi [Jean Marsh]. At first she's all lovely and sweet, but soon Dorothy realizes that Mombi actually likes to COLLECT PEOPLES HEADS and store them in glass cabinets in her castle. Not only does she store them, but she REMOVES HER OWN HEAD and wears the others depending on how she feels that day. This bitch is seriously messed up!. There's one scene where Dorothy tries to escape Mombi's castle, and finds herself IN the "Head Room". There's womens heads lined up all along the walls, when they hear Dorothy IN the room, they all OPEN their eyes and glare down at her!. Honestly, what kind of sick fuck makes shit like this for kids?
Upon it's release, it didn't do too well. It flopped at the box office, and parents found it to be "too disturbing" for children. Funnily enough, 'Return' is much closer in tone with the actual Oz book series the films were based on. The books themselves [which i haven't read] do have a more darker streak to them, which was completely thrown out the window for the 1940's original.
I make the movie sound like it's a horror fest, it really isn't, it won't creep you out as an adult, it's just got a few eerily wacky qualities about it that play on a child's imagination a lot more. I don't know how many times i've heard grown adults say, "my God that movie freaked me out as a kid". It really was trippy.

Oddly enough, it's these twisted and freaky additions to the sequel, that made it so much more memorable than the dull original. All i remember from movie 1 was a whole bunch of singing. In 'Return', i had the Oz scared into me, and it had a much more profound effect on my mind. As an adult, obviously i don't find it scary anymore. It's still got that "wacky creepy" factor though. Aside from a much darker storyline, the rest of the movie still stands strong as a good childrens fantasy film. I can watch it today and still get a kick out of it, not only because it's well made, but also for nostalgic reasons.

You don't need to see the original Oz to understand this movie. Most people have a fair understanding of what Oz and Dorothy's previous adventure was all about anyway. This is the type of kids movie that would appeal to someone who likes their fairy tales a little more on the "interesting" side. Should you show it to kids? it won't cause any serious damage, but i wouldn't be surprised if a kid does get a little uncomfortable about some of the characters. Lord knows me and many others did.

My Favourite Films Of All Time! #14
Martyrs [2008]
Starring: Morjana Alaoui, Mylene Jampanoi
Directed by: Pascal Laugier

"They did not finish to be alive..."

You want to see some fucked up shit?.....My oh, my! some of you may have heard of Martyrs, it caused quite the stir when it was shown throughout Europe during film festival season in 2009/2008. Why was it so controversial? well, because it's violent as shit and disturbing as fuck!.

Martyrs follows the story of Anna and Lucie. They became friends many years ago at an orphanage where Lucie was sent after she had escaped from an abandoned industrial building where she was tortured by the people holding her captive. Over the years Lucie has struggled with flashbacks and inner demons, she can't cope, she can't get on with her life, and she sets out to find the people WHO did those awful things to her as a child.
Soon enough, the people are discovered. Lucie sets out for bloody revenge while Anna goes along for the ride to give Lucie support. However, Anna is unaware of just how far Lucie is willing to go, and soon enough they both find themselves surrounded by dead bodies and bloody murder on their hands.

That's pretty much the BASIC plot of the film. If i go any further i'll give too much away, and i don't want to do that because the movie takes some VERY big twists and turns, and you'll soon find yourself watching more than just a gory revenge story.
This movie isn't for everyone, for every person who loved it, i know just as many who hated it. There isn't any real message behind the film, but that wasn't the point of the movie anyway. The Director has said that he wanted to take the viewer on a journey, he wanted to give them an experience. Whether you end up liking the movie or not, there's no denying you'll have an "eye opening" experience watching it. I sure as fuck did.As i said before, there's no message behind the film, but that doesn't mean there isn't a POINT to all the violence we see on screen, there is. It just takes a whole lot of torture to get to the secret behind what's happening. If this sounds like something you're willing to give a shot, you'll get a lot out of it.
The movie left me feeling a whole mix of emotions. I thought it was confronting and disturbing, but i also thought it was really sad at times, especially during the middle portion of the story. I felt so much for one character in particular, it really threw me back. If you strip away all the violence, are you left with anything worthwhile? yes, most definitely. It's a story about survival, and how much one person can take mentally and physically. What does reaching the point of no return feel like if you completely detach your mind from your body?. It's like watching an exercise in human experience. It's gets you thinking.
When you actually find out WHY certain things in the story are happening, the movie takes an even more interesting turn. There's a slight "supernatural" vibe to the final section of the movie. There's strong links between questions about the afterlife. The makers of the film certainly took the word MARTYRS literally when they made this movie.

Credit needs to be given to the 2 lead actresses in this. Both roles required quite a lot of emotion with Lucie losing her mind and Anna being tortured for endless amounts of time. I can't imagine how you get to a place like that mentally and act out something so vicious. It's hard to watch at times, because the abuse is so relentless.
Even though the movie is very gory, the style of direction, the cinematography and the overall look of the movie are beautifully done. It's very slick in presentation. You can't take your eyes off the screen.

Martyrs has become one of my favourite horror films of all time. It still makes me think no matter how many times i see it. Every time i watch it i feel like i've just been dragged by my hair through some dirty bushes. It grabs you by the balls and rips them out. I love that people are so torn by it as well, it means it's doing what it's meant to.
I think it's a masterpiece! one of the best horror films of the last 10 decade.

My Favourite Films of All Time! #13The Craft [1996]
Directed by: Andrew Fleming
Starring: Neve Campbell, Fairuza Balk, Robin Tunney

"Relax... it's only magic"

In 1996, when The Craft came out, something happened. Girls all over the world started wearing black, buying crystals, and reading about witchcraft. The Craft had a MASSIVE effect on teenage popular culture for a good few years. Why? because for the first time ever on film, witches were taken out of horror movies and fantasy epics, and were actually depicted as modern and cool. Being a witch was sexy, it meant you could dress like a whore and be a badass without being a hook nosed green skinned troll with a pointy hat, It also meant you had "pussy power", because magic seriously connects girls with their inner sex god.

The Craft follows the story of Sarah [Robin Tunney], the new girl in school who has no friends, and feels like an outsider. She ends up befriending the "freaks" of her grade, Nancy [Fairuza], Bonnie [Neve] and Rochelle [Rachel True]. What Sarah doesn't realize is that these girls are witches. Sarah herself is also a witch. So when these 4 girls join forces, they start casting spells and making their mundane teenage worlds a better place. Sarah's one wish is to make the popular guy in school fall in love with her, Bonnie's wish is to make the scars on the skin of her back disappear, Rochelle wishes she would stop being bullied by a racist rich white tramp, and Nancy.........well......Nancy is a little power hungry, so she wishes to triple her power and become the strongest witch of them all.
They all get their wishes. Unfortunately, with power comes responsibility, and when you abuse that responsibility, you get some serious consequence. Things start going wrong. Sarah's spellbound new boyfriend becomes a stalker, Bonnie's become an attractive scarless bitch, Rochelle's powers are making her bullies life a living hell [bitch loses her hair] and Nancy is running high on magic and losing her mind to "the dark side".

Sarah see's the mess the girls have made, and tries to put a stop to it. Sadly for her, the other 3 girls are now off with Satan [not really], and all they wanna do is wreak as much magic vagina powered havoc as they can!
Sarah is left to fight against the girls and try to make things right. This ain't no silly little cat fight though. This is some serious flying witches cuntery, and Sarah is gonna have to get her magic mojo into gear because Nancy and her 2 minions want to whoop her ass with as much magic as they can throw at her.
Let's get one thing straight, this isn't any Bewitched for a 90's generation bullshit. There's no cutesy pie spell casting and sweetie pie girly special effects. This is serious!. These girls find some uber power, and they use the shit out of it.
The great thing about The Craft is that they've set the entire movie in a realistic world. There are many "witchy" moments, but it's all still grounded enough to not make it hokey. A lot of the "magic law" discussed in the movie is in fact based on real Wiccan texts. They had some witch from the biggest coven in America giving the film makers the information they needed to make the movie a little more authentic. In fact, the big group spell casting done during the beach scene IS an actual real life spell. Cool stuff.

The story also has some hidden themes about female power and the types of urges and changes girls go through during their tender teenage years. It's about control, it's about being something you want to be, about having those things during that time in your life to help you be happier and stronger. That doesn't mean guys can't get into this movie though. There's plenty here for boys to like. The story is entertaining, and of course, the girls themselves get shorter skirts everytime they're powers get stronger. You know how boys are, heh....

Another great thing about the movie is the cast. The girls themselves are very like able, even when they turn bad. Robin Tunny who plays Sarah, actually had a shaved head while filming this movie. She wore a wig the entire time. Sometimes, it's a little obvious with the sprouting like way her hair grows from her forehead. Neve Campbell sighs and buck tooths her way through her role as Bonnie. She also really needs a bra at one point, but we love her anyway. Rachel true as Rochelle is the one you root for the most, mainly because the racist shit she deals with gets on my last nerve. And Fairuza, oh Fairuza, she certainly has a face only a mother could love. Not that she's UGLY per se, but that girl has a mouth on her that could swallow a whole basketball. The gothed out, grunge trash make up doesn't help either, BUT.............she is pretty cool, and she plays the role like a fucking mental patient.

There's a handful of 90's teen films that have really stood the test of time for me. The Craft is one of them. If you were in high school in the late 90's, chances are, you've seen the movie 10 times. Maybe even more. And you most likely love it. I honestly haven't met anyone who hasn't enjoyed it. It's just too fucking kick ass!
If you haven't seen it, get your fat ass on a broom stick and fly somewhere to find it. You won't regret it. And if you watch it and hate it, i'll seriously hex your sorry ass!

My Favourite Films Of All Time! # 12Bram Stoker's Dracula [1992]
Directed by: Francis Ford Cappola
Starring: Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins

" I have crossed oceans of time to find you."

If you're looking for the definitive Dracula movie, then forget Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee as Dracula. All you need is this BEAST of a movie!.
Francis Ford Cappola may be known mostly for The Godfather, but to me, his true masterpiece was Dracula. The film is heavily based on the original novel by Bram Stoker, and it features the best portrayel of Dracula on screen, thanks to Gary Oldman in the title role. Before we get into that though, here's what Dracula is about....

In 14th century Romania, Prince Dracula [Gary Oldman] leaves his beloved Elizabeta [ha!] to fight against the crazy Turks invading his land. During Dracula's absence, Elizabeta hears false news of Dracula's death, and kills herself. On Dracula's return, he learns of his loves "bye bye" and goes a little nuts. In a fit of rage, Dracula renounces God and the Church for taking his lovers soul, and gives into his heartbreak and anger, which in turn makes him lose his soul, becoming the immortal walking undead FOREVERRRRRR!!!!!!

Fast forward to 18th century England, and Jonathan Harker must travel to Romania [the spooky Transylvania to be exact] to meet Dracula over some properties he has bought in England [ Dracula loves real estate! ha]. One night, Dracula catches a look at Jonathan's soon to be wife Mina in a photograph. She bares a striking resemblance to his beloved long lost Elizabeta, which sends Dracula into "obsessed ex" mode, forcing him to hold Jonathan captive in his spooky castle as Dracula sets off to England to woo the panties off Mina!.
Once Dracula arrives, he morphs into a younger version of himself and sets out to win Mina's heart. Dracula is a bit of a naughty boy though, so when he isn't taking Mina out on dates, he's drinking her best friend Lucy's blood and killing anyone else in his path.
Once Mina falls under his spell, it's up to Jonathan [who escapes his castle prison], and Dracula hunter, Van Helsing [Anthony Hopkins] to rescue her from becoming Dracula's undead bride!

The first thing you'll notice about this movie are the visuals. The movie looks BEAUTIFUL. The makers of the film wanted the movie to be very stylish and unique. A lot of work went into all the visual effects and iconic costumes [Dracula's titty wig anyone?]. They went for an OLD SKOOL style of effects shots that works really well in giving the movie a specific look and feel. At times, a few scenes may look a little "fake" [backgrounds ect], but that was the point. It all works anyway, so it's not something that will stick out a lot.My favourite thing about the Dracula story, is that on the surface, it's a basic vampire horror tale. But underneath it all, it's an incredibly erotic and powerful love story. Think about it, this guy loses the love of his life, and would rather GIVE UP HIS SOUL and wait for his one true love to return one day, then to die. He turns himself into an evil monster, all in the name of love. And when Mina realizes who he is, when she remembers him from her past life, even as a monster, she still wants to be with him. In the end, it's Mina who is the only one who can release him from his endless existence. It's powerful stuff. It's one of the most romantic films i've ever seen.

Romantic undertones aside, there is some serious vampire fuckery in this movie. Most notably involving Mina's best friend Lucy. Poor Lucy. She really gets fucked over and becomes a she devil!. Dracula feeds off her every night, causing her to crave blood and be horny 24/7. When he pays her visits, he appears to her as a werewolf creature and fucks her outside. That's some serious beastiality shit right there!. Then, he finally makes her one of his "brides" [there are 3 others, Dracula is a pimp, ha], only to have Lucy staked to death on her fist night out as a fresh new vampire!. Lucy can't ever seem to get a break, lol. She does look cool as a vampire though.

As i mentioned before, Gary Oldman is THA MAN as Dracula. He REALLY plays this role with a lot conviction. He acts his ass off!. He seemed to really drown himself in the role from what i saw during behind the scenes documentaries. He's incredible to watch.
Winona does a good job tooth whistling her way through her role as Mina. Anthony Hopkins plays Van Helsing as a bit of a mental case, but it works, and he provides some humor. Sadi Frost as Lucy is creepy as fuck, and looks like she's having a ball, very memorable character. The only wobbly casting comes from Keanu Reeves, who's a bit hit and miss throughout the movie with his stiff neck and stupid floppy hairdo. Oh and Monica Bellucci gets her titties out as another of Dracula's brides..................in case any guys would like to know.

I keep revisiting this movie over and over. I watch it nearly every year, and i never get bored of it. I've never met anyone who didn't enjoy it either, it's just too well put together. Some say it's a bit style over substance, but with some of the performances in it, you can;t say the movie is ONLY nice to look at. It's so much more. I love it.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #11The Exorcist [1973]
Directed by: William Friedkin
Starring: Linda Blair, Ellen Burstyn, Max Von Sydow

" Is there someone inside you? "

Oooooooh, cover your eyes bitches, it's The Exorcist!!!!! The greatest horror film ever made!!!!! THERE, I FUCKING SAID IT!!!!! It scared the panties off me as a kid and it still CHILLS me to my bone now days. It's one of those movies you grew up knowing about. You wait and wait until you get to an age where you can FINALLY feel brave enough to see it, and when you do, BAM!!!! it's CREEP central! for most people anyway.

This was one of those movies i used to rent when i was a teen and i'd get creeped out even HOLDING the movie in my hands at the video store. As usual with horror VHS rental tapes, it was old, looked like it had been in 600 peoples houses and stank of plastic. That just added to the creep factor though. Speaking of creep factor, anyone notice how the horror section in video stores always seemed eerily quiet. It's a genre that's an acquired taste, so it was never booming with customers. It always seemed like such a "forbidden" section to be in. I loved that.

The Exorcist follows the story of a young girl named Regan [played perfectly by Linda Blair], who finds a Oujie board in her new house and starts playing with it. She tells her mother [Ellen Burstyn] that she talks to a spirit by using the board named Captain Howdy. Her Mother assumes Regan is just messing about as troublesome teenagers do, and she laughs it off. Soon though, Regan starts acting a little "strange"..........and by strange, what i really mean is, completely and utterly FUCKED UP! Her bed shakes uncontrollably, she starts speaking in tongues, she stabs her pussy with a crucifix and she even pisses on the floor like a cow.

OBVIOUSLY these aren't exactly NORMAL things people do, so Regan's Mother sends her to a few doctors to run some tests. After a whole bunch of hideous testing, the doctors come to realize that they can't actually diagnose her with anything........so they recommend more of an, unorthodox form of treatment for the girl. To her Mother's surprise, she is told to visit a church to get the help of an Exorcist. It's at this church that Regan's Mother meets Father Merrin, a young Priest, who's never performed an exorcism in his life, but who decides to offer his help to a very desperate and emotional Mother trying to save her haunted daughter.
Once Merrin enters the house, the shit well and truly hits the fan! Regan is walking backwards on her hands and feet down stairs, making her head spin 360 degrees, swearing and vomiting her way through all hours of the day and night. Merrin and Regan's Mother realize they're in way over their heads, so they seek the help of a skilled Exorcist named Father Karras, who coincidentally came head to head with the demon inside Regan many years ago.
What happens next is a whole lot of crazy demonic possession, and 3 people fighting to save the life of a girl who may not live much longer if the demon inside her kills her.

Most people who are reading this have most likely already seen this movie. Some of you however may not have, and it all may seem a little.......over the top. Obviously, it is. The makers of this film didn't hold back at all when it came to what they showed on screen. When they say "a girl gets possessed", they really fucking mean POSSESSED!
Even though the movie is over the top with abusive language "stick your cock up her ass you mother fucking worthless COCKSUCKER!", there is still a lot of strong atmosphere in the film that really takes you in and makes you suspend belief and just accept what it is that your seeing. Don't get me wrong, if you've had a few drinks, you may find yourself giggling at a few of the lines Regan throws at you. But there's not denying how creepy and unsettling some of the scenes can be, and it's the more quieter moments in the film that really showcase that.

The acting in this movie is SUPERB! Ellen Burstyn is perfect as Regan's Mother, and Linda Blair is REALLY good in her role as Regan. She was so young when this movie was made, i can't believe some of the stuff they asked her to do in this. How does a young kid play something SO dark? incredible. That's one thing about these 2 characters in this film, they have a very close Mother/Daughter relationship, so when things go bad, you really feel for Regan's Mom.

The version of the film i'm talking about is the one dubbed "The Version You've Never Seen". This was released in cinemas in 2001, and featured a few added scenes as well as some tweaked existing scenes. Some fans of the original film feel that some of the new additions [mainly involving a demonic face that pops up every so often] were unnecessary......personally, i liked every new addition they added to the re-release, i wish they added even MORE to be honest. I could watch this movie for 3 hours!

If you've never seen this before, go rent it, put it in your DVD player, turn off ALL the lights, turn the volume up full blast and cuddle yourself in your seat.
When this movie first opened in 1973, it had people fainting in horror in the cinema isles. Although it may not have the exact same impact today, there's no denying that the movie for most people, is one of the creepiest films ever made. It's very evil.

My Favourite Films Of ALL TIME! #10
Labyrinth [1986]
Directed by: Jim Henson
Starring: David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly

"You have no power over me."

It's a rare thing when a childhood movie stays with you for your whole life. Labyrinth is one of those movies. There are many films from my childhood i still adore, but there are only a few that truly have a certain SOMETHING else about them. Something so unique and special, that they stay in your heart forever. Corny right? i know.....but fuck it, when it's magic, it's magic, and Labyrinth is fucking MAGIC.

Here's the story....

Young, innocent, bushy 80's eye brow teenager, Sarah [Jennifer Connelly] is left to babysit her annoying baby step brother, Toby. During a huge baby cry fest, Sarah tries to silence Toby by reciting a riddle to him. It's a riddle from one of Sarah's favourite fantasy books, which she doesn't realize holds REAL power. To Sarah's shock, not only does the riddle make Toby shut up, but it also makes him disappear all together!
Sarah soon finds out that the evil, but charismatic Goblin King, Jareth [played by Bowie] has kidnapped Toby and is holding him captive in the Goblin City in another dimension. Unfortunately for Sarah, the Goblin City lies on the other side of a giant magical labyrinth. The Goblin King sets her a task, solve the labyrinth in 13 hours, and Toby is hers again. Fail, and Toby belongs to the Goblin King forever!. Unknown to Sarah, the Goblin King is going to purposely try and make her fail so he can use his seductive ways to charm her into staying with him as his Queen in his Goblin Realm. Basically, the labyrinth is gonna be a BITCH to solve. And if she can try and not listen to her craving pussy when it comes to Jareth, she may make it out with her step brother as planned.

I dunno about you, but that's some serious fucking awesome story telling right there! I mean, LOOK at that movie poster! fucken A!

Labyrinth is the type of kids movie that will be watched for years to come. Nearly 25 years on, and the people who grew up with this movie are now showing it to their kids. On DVD it's a big seller, and it gets a new release every few years. It's even JUST hit Blu ray!.
It's a classic movie that doesn't wear thin no matter how old it gets. I suppose that's due to Jim Henson, the worlds most famous puppeteer, who produced and Directed the movie. If you don't know Jim Henson, that's kinda fucked up. He isn't a big player anymore since he passed away, but 25 years ago Jim Henson was as big as Disney. He's most famous for The Muppets series, you know, Kermit, Miss Piggy ect...............EVERYONE knows those characters, so if you don't know Jim, then you would know some of his creations.
As well as the awesome puppet work in the movie, there's a GREAT soundtrack thanks to the genius David Bowie, who sings a few songs in the movie. The film is a musical, but the numbers are so good, it doesn't distract from the rest of the movie. There aren't THAT many songs either, so if musicals aren't your thing, don't worry, there's plenty of dialog. I can't help but clap furiously when Bowie breaks out to DANCE MAGIC!, or feel nostalgic when i hear the opening number 'Underground', or the beautiful 'As The World Falls Down'. That song features in my favourite scene from the movie. It's a beautiful ballroom scene which takes place inside a crystal ball nightmare where Sarah is seduced by the mysterious Bowie. The costume Sarah wears is LEGENDARY! If i ever go to a costume party and see a chic in that, i'll know EXACTLY who she's dressed as. Sigh.

An interesting thing about this film is that there's a mildly sexual aspect to Sarah and Jared's relationship. Underneath the pretty puppets and catchy songs is a story about a young girls growing sexuality. It was obvious to me even as a kid. Jareth has an odd fascination with Sarah, he actually really wants her illegal pussy. And she's no sweetie pie either, she becomes completely over taken by his desire for her. They flirt like crazy, it's actually kinda hot! haha. After seeing Bowie's character in the movie, you may think "hot?"..........but trust me, there's chemistry between the characters and Bowie's portrayal is unexpectedly provocative. Bowie is great in this actually, he's a good actor.

One other thing that may stand out to you in this movie, is something a little unexpected. It's Bowie's BULGE!...............yes, that soft little bump all men have in their crotch region! "Why?" do you ask?...........let's just say, wearing TIGHTS when you're "well endowed" only accentuates what lies between the viewer and a thin piece of cloth covering their DICK! ha. Even as a kid his bulge stood out to me like crazy. Ask anyone who's seen the movie, they'll laugh and echo my exact words.

As usual with most of the childrens films i like, this isn't JUST a movie kids can enjoy, all you older bitches can love it too. Sure there's the amazing nostalgia attached to it from my end [and many other people], but seriously, you can enjoy this movie no matter what your age is. All you need is a big imagination and being open to 80's fantasy AWESOMENESS.

I've never met anyone who hates this film, so if you ever watch it and dislike it..............GO TO FUCKING HELL AND DIE YOU HEARTLESS LOST CHILDHOOD CUNT!.

Bless you xx.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #9
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring [2001]
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Starring: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Cate Blanchette

"You carry the fate of us all, little one."

My oh my! No favourite film list is complete without a mention of The Lord of the Rings [LOTR for short]! Technically, i'd include ALL 3 films in this post, but....since it was a trilogy, i'll actually PICK one just to be specific. There were 3 films in total, and i guess the obvious choice to go with would be the last movie, The Return of the King. That's where the story hits it's climax, where everything comes to an end, and where the battles get the biggest. Most people tend to go for that one. I love all 3 films equally, but for me, the first movie, Fellowship, is the one that i seem to revisit the most.

The overall plot for the trilogy goes something like this: An evil warlord from the past named Sauron wants to wage war against the peaceful lands of Middle Earth once again. The power to do this lies within a tiny gold ring which was forged many years ago between the races of people in Middle Earth. In order to stop Sauron's return, a group of people working for the forces of good must band together and trek their way through Middle Earth towards Mount Doom where they can throw the ring into the lava pits, destroying it forever.
In Fellowship of the Ring, we see the introduction of these characters and the beginning of their journey throughout Middle Earth. Don't think just because it's the first chapter, that it's light on the adventure, it isn't, i assure you!

I think Fellowship was the perfect mix of all 3 films. It had a nice mix of light and dark, where as The Two Towers [part 2] and Return of the King [part 3] tended to just get darker in tone as they went along. There's an innocence in the beginning of Fellowship which i really like seeing, and considering just HOW BIG this story is, the build up of introductions in Fellowship really excites me because it works as a teaser for what's coming up in the other 2 films.

There are so many great moments in Fellowship. I hadn't actually read the books when i saw this movie for the first time [i still haven't], so it was all coming at me with virgin eyes, and i was LOVING it. Once the evil Nazgul [those scary cloaked horsemen] arrive in lil' ol' Hobbiton, i was on the edge of my seat. That was topped soon after once Frodo [Elijah Wood] and the other Hobbits were confronted by the Nazgul again during an overnight sleep on a hill top with Aragorn [Viggo Mortensen]. Poor Frodo gets his little shoulder stabbed, and we also get a chance to see what the Nazgul look like WITHOUT their black hoods on. Pretty cool stuff.The stand out moment from the entire movie for me however was the Orc battle in the Mines of Moria. Shit on me!!!! what an epic fucking display! Not only do we get the Fellowship battling it out with giant Trolls, but we also have thousands of Orcs scaling pillars and walls, coming in for the kill so they can get their hands on a meaty piece of "man flesh"!!!. Just when you think it can't get any more dangerous, the Fellowship are then faced with battling the fiery BALROG [sp?] as they rush across the Bridge of Khaza Dum to safety. That creature was fucking BADASS! the whole thing was made of shadow and fire, the digital work on that thing was beautiful!

The most controversial part of this movie was a scene involving Liv Tyler's character, Arwen. Basically, her scene belonged to another character in the book, so fans were pissed off. Maybe if i was a massive fan of the books, i'd have been offended by this change in character as well, but to be honest, it's one of my favourite moments in the entire trilogy. SOMEONE had to rescue Frodo! and if the character who was supposed to do the job wasn't in the film to do it, well....hand it over to Arwen then, no biggie. She looked cool doing it anyway, but then......i have a soft spot for chics with weapons too so....ha!

It had been a LONG time since we saw a truly epic fantasy adventure film before LOTR came along. They were so big in the 80's, and that genre seemed to die out in the 90's. It was a genre i LOVED as a kid, so to see what most people consider to be the greatest fantasy books on screen after so many years of fantasy free cinema, was a real buzz for me.
These films became an annual event for a lot of people, for 3 years i anticipated the next chapter. It was a great movie experience seeing these on the big screen. They're instant classics, the types of movies that people will watch 100 years from now. They have that special magic about them. I revisit them ever few years and it's a blast watching them over and over as time goes on. I never get sick of them and i wish they were even longer than they already were.
Props to Peter Jackson for pulling off what many people thought was impossible.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #8The Doom Generation [1995]
Directed by: Gregg Araki
Starring: Rose McGowan, James Duvall, Johnathon Schaech

"That'll be, Six Sixty Six"

Gregg Araki isn't well known amongst people who don't watch a lot of indie cinema. He's made some angsty classics though, most of them in the 90's. In fact, in my opinion, his movies are ESSENTIAL viewing for ANYONE who grew up in the 90's. His last film is his most critically acclaimed and well known, Mysterious Skin. Doom Generation is a bit more of a low key event though, and you'll find many people who haven't seen it, or even heard of it.

The movie follows teenage couple, Amy [Rose McGowan] and Jordan [James Duvall]. They spend most of their time hating the world and going to punk clubs. They take a road trip one night and unfortunately cross paths with an eccentric, horny and head shooting hitchhiker named, Xavier [Johnathon Schaech], who is INSANELY hot may i add.
Jordan warms up to him instantly, Amy however becomes very hateful of Xavier's ridiculous behavior, AND is madly attracted to him at the same time. Xavier quickly sets off on his merry way, much to Amy's delight, but they meet again not long after when Amy and Jordan are held up at gun point by a store clerk, who then gets his head shot off by Xavier who rescues them. Soon they're on the run from the law, bumping into the most retarded psycho freaks you'd ever meet on the road, and trying to cope with a threesome relationship that's starting to get a little TOO disastrous for their own good.

There's 2 things about Araki that stand out the most in his films: One, is his love for all sorts of SIGNAGE. He always has bold words, warning messages and big signs on walls, chairs, cars and other assorted objects in ALL his films.
Secondly, his unique dialog. The script is filled with hilarious lines and quirks. Rose McGowan's wobbly style of acting is perfect for the way these lines need to be delivered. She has a blast with them.
Most of the swearing and funny insults are left for Amy, "Look, you fucking chunky pumpkinhead! I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!". Xavier get's all the dirty talk, since he's so oversexed and inappropriate, "Come on, sniff my finger and tell me it doesn't smell like your girlfriend's sweet, juicy snatch". While poor innocent Jordan is left with lines that any philosophical stoner could recite, "I love you" can mean a lot of things... like "you'll do 'till someone better comes along," or "I can't describe how I really feel but I know that I'm supposed to say this," or "Shut up, I'm watching TV." The three of them together are just insane!

I've seen this movie countless times over the years. I even loved it back when i FIRST saw it in 1996, when i was only 12! It still holds up today for me and it's one of those movies you WISH more people have seen so they could understand what the hell you're talking about when you tell them to "eat my fuck". It's typical Araki, low budget, and filled with sex and violence. I love it.

Kudos to Araki for opening the film with a Nine Inch Nails track too. Badass!

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #7
The Witches [1990]
Directed by: Nicolas Roeg
Starring: Anjelica Huston, Rowan Atkinson

"You're in for a treat"

Lawd oh lawdy! Any kid who grew up in the 90's has most likely seen this film. It's one of those rare "too scary for kids" type of childrens movies that i love so much. These types of movies don't seem to pop up as much anymore, which is a shame.
I knew nothing of the book it was based on, and i saw it for the first time back in 1991 when it had JUST hit video and my teacher at the time rented it to show it to the class. It freaked me the fuck out, but i loved it.

The movie follows the story of a young boy named Luke, and his Grandmother. She tells him scary stories about her time as a little girl and the encounters she had with real life witches in the town she lived in. One day Luke's parents die in a car accident, and his Grandmother becomes his sole guardian. She takes him on a trip to England where they stay at a hotel, and during their stay, The Grand High Witch [played by Anjelica Huston] organizes a conference for all the other witches of England to attend.
Soon Luke finds himself learning that witches are in fact real like his Grandmother warned him, and it's up to him to stop The Grand High Witch from turning all the children in England into MICE!
Why mice?..........well, witches find children to be like vermin, mice are dirty little things, so they choose to turn them into rodents. Ha!

If there's one thing that sticks out like crazy from the moment you first start watching this movie, is that it's FULL of atmosphere. The story that's told in the beginning about the girl who goes missing and then appears as an imagine in her parents painting in their home is really creepy. As a kid, that freaked me out! and watching it as an adult, it still has a very haunting feel to it.
Another highlight is when Luke encounters his first witch as he's playing outside in a tree. The woman is creeptastic, like some sort of child kidnapping psychopath dressed in a nice outfit.
The witches meeting is also a scary mess. Not so much because it's spooky, but because the witches are so hideous removing their wigs and shoes. You could just picture one of them creeping up after you as you tried to hide. They're fucked.

The best thing about this movie is Anjelica Huston. It's such a great career moment for her. Every time i think of her, this is the first movie that pops up in my head [as well as Ever After]. She plays evil so well, she has the look, and she has a strong presence on screen. She looks like she's having a blast playing The Grand High Witch, and every time she's in a scene she steals the show. You can't take your eyes off her.

The movie is HUGELY underrated. You'll find more people who haven't heard of it, then those who have. Those who have however, all agree on one thing, that the movie is creepy!. I hope to see a nice DVD package for this one day, so far it's only had a bare bones release, and not even in every country.
Don't be turned off by the fact that it's a kids film. It has a great story, some genuinely eerie moments and Anjelica rips it up. It's definitely for everybody. In saying that though.........i'm not sure if i'd let a kid under 5 watch it, if it freaked me out at 6, i can only imagine what it'd do to someone even younger. If you're looking for something to scare your kids with to keep them away from strangers though, show them this, it'll work like magic, haha.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #6Kill Bill Vol. 2 [2004]
Directed by: Quentin Tarantino.
Starring: Uma Thurman, Daryl Hannah, David Carradine.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold"

Ok, so technically Kill Bill was created to be ONE movie. Hopefully for the fans of this project, we will see the long awaited "Whole Bloody Affair" edition of the film on DVD, where the movie is edited back into it's one picture format. Until then, we need to get over this whole one movie bullshit and come to terms with the fact that it was released in 2 volumes! YES! 2 volumes! We also need to accept the fact that, both volumes are actually VERY different in tone AND style. So if anyone wants to bitch at me for only picking ONE of the volumes instead of both because it was actually "one movie", i'm telling you now, piss the fuck off! It's 2 volumes, and they're both different as fuck!

Now, let's get on with this.....

The overall storyline that goes across both volumes of Kill Bill is as follows: The Bride [Uma Thurman] was shot in the head on her wedding day. She was shot by her boss, Bill [David Carradine], who happens to be the head of a group of elite assassins, a group The Bride herself is a member of. The only problem with this killing is that Bill didn't shoot her quite good enough, so The Bride survives and lays in a coma for a few years. The Bride was also pregnant at the time of her attempted slaying..............oh, what a mess. Bill and the other assassins who were responsible for The Brides situation assume she'll never wake up from her sleep, but they're wrong!!!!!! One day, The Bride wakes the fuck up! and she remembers EVERYTHING, and she's fucking PISSED OFF! They killed her unborn baby, they killed her friends, and they took her life for 4 years as she lay bed ridden and plugged into a machine!
Over the course of 2 volumes, The Bride tracks down each member of the assassin crew who malled her down on her wedding day, and she takes them out, one, by one. She just doesn't shoot them, or strangle them either, no.............she cuts them the FUCK up with her Hitaro Hanzo ninja sword! And i'm talking about some SERIOUS body count fuckery here!What's the difference between the two volumes? Well, MOST of the flashy action happens in vol 1. It's slick, it's fast paced, it's Asian film inspired, and it features lots of outrageous violence. Vol 1 is fucking bad ass! and i love it just as much as Vol 2. But for me, the bulk of the story is what i loved in Vol 2, which is why it gets the head above vol 1 for my fav movie list.We really get to delve into The Brides history and relationship with her ex boss and ex lover, Bill. The fast paced feel of part 1 is dropped for a much quieter and slower moving story. We find out about how The Bride discovered her pregnancy, where she was trained to become an assassin, and who the remaining clan of killers are that she has set out to wreak revenge upon. Both volumes compliment each other in different ways. For me personally though, it's the story heavy second part that kept me more interested.

It took me a couple of viewings before i was able to sit and really enjoy Vol 2 for what it was. The difference between both volumes is pretty strong, and if you wanted mindless action and fun like you got in vol 1, you may be a little disappointed. But don't fret too much, because vol 2 certainly has it's handful of violent moments! The stand out being the show down between The Bride and the one eyed cunt Queen, Elle Driver [Daryl Hannah].
Action isn't what you watch vol 2 for. You watch it to see The Bride finally take back what was hers, and you also get to find out what the BIG secret in vol 2 is. Well, technically you found out that secret at the end of vol 1, but you see the effects of it in vol 2.
You also get to see the meeting between The Bride and Bill, which isn't about "fighting" at all. In fact, you get to see them slog it out with some tense conversation and big reveals! It's a great scene when they meet again for the first time. Another standout moment from the film is the flashback of The Bride training with Kung Fu master, Pai Mai. It's the only "Asian cinema" throwback in the film. Unlike vol 1, the rest of vol 2 is actually a lot more western movie themed.

Unless you're into really brain dead action, i doubt you'll be hard pressed to NOT get into vol 2 of Kill Bill. It may be slower and more script heavy, but it's so well written, which makes it easy to move on from vol 1 and enjoy what Quentin has to offer character wise with vol 2. There's so much meat to the story, and it's perfectly acted by everyone involved. Uma is fucking amazing in these movies!
Prepare for a bit of change after you see vol 1. Don't worry though, it's a change you'll welcome soon enough once you realize how badass the remainder of the story is. There's really no other way you can describe the movie other than calling it something like "badass". Both volumes are epic, and together it's one great long watch. Separately though, it's vol 2 that has the special magic for me.

My Favourite Films of ALL TIME! #5Dancer In The Dark [2000]
Directed by: Lars von Trier
Starring: Bjork, Catherine Deneuve

"You don't need eyes to see"

Well..............HOW exactly do i go about describing this movie? It's one of those few films i've mentioned before that has left an everlasting impression on me after only one viewing. I don't even KNOW if "impression" is the right word to use. It sounds like too soft of a word............how about, INDENTED INTO MY FUCKING BRAIN FOR ALL FUCKING TIME!!!!!! [breathes]..........ok, ok........i'll calm down.........but seriously, this movie really fucked me side ways emotionally.
I remember when it first came out, the only thing i knew about it was that Bjork was nominated for an Academy Award [to my surprise and joy], and that Bjork turned up to the awards ceremony wearing a now infamous swan dress that came with a matching bird egg purse, haha! oh Bjork! you kooky kooky thing! I'm a Bjork fan, so the movie peaked my interest because she was in it.
Eventually it hit video stores and i picked it up one night. I hadn't read any reviews and i had NO idea what it was about. All i knew was that my older sister had seen it and she told me it left her practically traumatized by the end. She saw it during it's cinema run and she said the entire audience was in tears. Other than that, i knew of Bjork's award nomination and that the film was a critical hit.

So there i was, going into the film blindly.....

The movie starts off very pleasantly. We get introduced to Selma [Bjork], a young mother who has immigrated to America and is working to save money so she may get her son an operation that will stop him from going blind. Selma has this same disease, and for her it's too late, so she spends her days working and drifting off into imaginary musicals to keep herself happy and sane. Selma loves musicals you see............she skips about in her quirky song and dance routines, counting steps and making beats out of metallic clanking sounds and acting merry. It's all very sweet and loving, and it leaves you feeling all "awwww" at the situation. Her poor son.

Turns out life isn't SO sweet though. No, it REALLY isn't. Without giving too much away, we see Selma go from a struggling Mother trying to save her son, to a struggling Mother trying to save HERSELF for something she gets in trouble for. It takes an utterly HEARTBREAKING turn and it leaves you feeling sick and depressed! i'm serious!The movie starts off with Selma doing nothing but smiling and enjoying her fantasies. By the midway point though, the movie is a non stop downward spiral into misery and sadness. We see her shining face turn to loss and sorrow. She sings a song called 'Scatterheart' at one point, it's a song that's about her being DELUDED about the awful events that have just occurred. She sings along pretending the entire incident was make believe. By the end of the song though, reality kicks in again and she ends the song breaking down and realizing how deep she's gone. Watching that transition left me choking. You just feel SO much for this woman, you want to help her so much, but you just know nothing will fix the mess she's in.
I kept watching the film hoping Selma would get a chance to redeem herself and clear her name. Sadly though, it just doesn't get any better.

I was practically rocking back and forth during the final scene in this movie. It was an emotional roller coaster watching the events unfold in front of me. I knew why this movie was ripping the hearts out of people who were watching it world wide. The story completely grabs at your soul and just tears it apart into hundreds of pieces! By the time the credits rolled i really had to sit and absorb the whole thing.

I have only seen this movie 2 times in total. It's NOT the type of film you can watch over and over because it could lose it's impact a little. I like to remember this film as i first saw it, and when i one day watch it again, i'd like it to have been a while so i can absorb it all in again. The movie should be savored.

If you don't like Bjorks style of music, you may find the very few musical numbers a little uninteresting. BUT.........all of the songs flesh out the story, so lyrically you'll get a lot out of them. Aside from that, i can't find ANY other reason as to how anybody could watch this and not be moved in some way by it. Every person i have met you has seen it has always had a very powerful experience watching it. One guy in particular was so distraught by the end of it all, he couldn't even sit through the ending in all it's entirety.

Before i finish my write up on this film, i need to point out how INCREDIBLE Bjork is in this movie. It's a story that she has said was easy for her to relate to, having her own son in real life to reflect on for the part. It's the only serious acting role she's ever undertaken, and i'm not sure how she would do in any other role, but her belief in this one was SO real that it translates POWERFULLY on screen. As i mentioned before, she was nominated for countless awards [and won a few] for her role in this, even an Oscar. She said if she didn't win the award, she'd never act again, apparently the role took a lot out of her. Sadly, she didn't win, and she's stuck to her word, she's never done any acting since. A shame really.

The movie has a very indie feel to it, so i'm not sure if i'd recommend it to everyone. However, for anybody who can handle such a beautifully filmed movie with gut wrenching intensity, you'll be in for a treat. Just take a box of tissues with you when you watch it, you'll need it i assure you. Don't bring a gun though, you may feel inclined to USE IT on yourself by the time it's over. Ha!

My Favourite Films Of ALL TIME! #4Legend [1985]
Directed by: Ridley Scott
Starring: Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, Tim Curry

"May be innocent, may be sweet, ain't half as nice as rotting meat"

Poor brave Legend, it's become a bit of a forgotten gem over the years. I guess in a way, it has reached some sort of MILD cult status, on a smaller level.....amongst fantasy film fans anyway. Anyone from the 80's will most likely remember it, and anyone into fantasy films will most likely LOVE it. Or so they should.
It was one of those movies i grew up watching, along with, Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Red Sonja, ect. The 80's were FULL of fantasy adventures, and Legend always stood out among the rest for me because it had much slicker production behind it than the others did. Don't get me wrong, the other films i mentioned were great, especially Labyrinth, but Legend was so much darker and more adult.

The story follows 2 young lovers named Jack [Tom Cruise] and Lilly [Mia Sara]. Jack is like some sort of Tarzan-esque forest boy [with great legs], and Lilly is the local Princess. Lilly doesn't enjoy the servant filled life of a Princess, so she spends her days frolicking around the forest making friends with animals and villagers. It's all very sweet and cheerful.
One day, Jack takes Lilly to see the ancient Unicorns [he's trying to impress her you see]. The Unicorns are very sacred animals, you aren't allowed to go near them or touch them. Lilly, being the pain in the ass she is, chooses to ignore these rules, and makes her way towards one of the Unicorns, to Jack's horror!
Eventually word gets out about these Unicorns and the Princess, and the evil LORD OF DARKNESS sends out his minions to fetch them, so he can use the HORN on top of the horses head to blanket the world in complete darkness FOREVERRRRR!!!!
Jack sets off to find Lilly after her and the Unicorn's are captured, meeting a whole flurry of friends along the way, including one freaky pointy eared dwarf thingie with a chipmunk voice and scary eyes.

The plot is basic and straight forward. It's you're standard boy meets girl, girl gets kidnapped, boy goes to rescue her adventure story we've seen 100 times. What makes Legend special is the characters we meet in this movie, the BEAUTIFUL production design and the music. Let's start with the cast....
The co-stars are the biggest highlight of this movie! forget Tom Cruise, the role asks him to do nothing but jump a lot and look perplexed by everything. Characters you gotta watch out for are Gump, the freaky eyed dwarf thingie that i mentioned earlier. Oona, the Pixie who falls in love with Jack. Blix, the evil troll henchman [or women, i can't tell], who speaks in riddles......and last, but not least, Tim Curry as The Lord of Darkness! Now THAT is some serious awesome shit right there! The make up on Tim in this film is STILL superb. He looks like SATAN personified with his massive black horns, hooved feet and red skin. Tim completely gets lost in the character and you can't take your eyes off him, it's a fantastic role. The entire movie is built around his FINAL reveal, we only see glimpses of him through most of the film until the end where he's shown in all his GIANT glory.
My favourite scene out of the entire movie is when he first shows up and turns virginal Princess Lilly into a Goth Queen from Hell. They play a game of cat and mouse over a "dinner date" that turns ugly once Lilly refuses his hand in marriage. It's an EPIC meeting!

The cinematography is stunning, especially during the Unicorn slaughter scene, but it's the MUSIC in Legend that elevates it even more! For the longest time i thought there was only ONE version of Legend, but later i found out, there were in fact 2. There's the international version which is the one i am familiar with, and it was composed by Jerry Goldsmith, which is BEAUTIFULLY scored. The other is the AMERICAN version of the film, which sadly features music by Tangerine Dream, BIG FUCKING MISTAKE! I had the opportunity to see that version only recently, and i tell you what, the movie lost SO MUCH atmosphere and ambiance with that shitty score, i couldn't believe it. No wonder the movie wasn't well received on it's release!!!!! Legend is the PERFECT example of how much sound and music can enrich something we are watching. If you ever get the chance to see it, ONLY watch the international cut of the film, you have NO idea how much better it is. It's like a completely different movie!

Ridley Scott doesn't talk about the movie much now days. Not because he doesn't like it, but i guess because it was a much more low key film compared to the previous movies he made back then. Tom Cruise never includes it on his resume, or so i read. Maybe he doesn't like it, i dunno. Either way, it's a great movie which i think he should really get behind when he talks about his previous films. Since it wasn't a career defining moment for him, i guess he doesn't find it all that important to remember. That's too bad.
For me, it will always represent a part of my child hood, and one of the best fantasy epics i've ever seen. It's simple, but well acted and BEAUTIFULLY filmed.